Tuesday July 5th I would say that my life’s been “boring” s..

Tuesday July 5th I would say that my life’s been “boring” since my last entry. But that would make me a lying liar with a dumb lying face hole. Or fingers. How ever you like to imagine me creating this diary entry. I’m at your fantasy’s disposal. Oof that thought got derailed fast. Anyways. There’s been some interesting things that have happened and some not so interesting things. But nothing that’s been ***abbey, write this down because it’s what the people neeeeeeeeeeeed*** level of interesting. Until now. Hold onto your butt’oleys. >>>>>>>>warning<<<<<<<<< Describes piercing, some may consider explicit. Basically. If you think you MIGHT be offended. Plz don’t read ahead. If you want to, and you know you’ll be fine. Go for it. Basically follow your own compass sweet angel face. 3:36 pm - I’m just playing some one person penguin game, like a real champ. Its the one where you jump one penguin to take another off the board. But you have to get down to only 1 penguin on the bored. Basically solitaire version of checkers, but with penguins. If you know. You know. If you don’t. … I dunno. Sorry I guess? Not really though. It’s actually not a very good game. I just happened to be playing because of my general lack of good taste. 3:49 - my sister rolls up. I can tell because of the distinct sound her vehicle makes. It ‘talks shit’ as I like to say. And not in the ‘i need maintenance’ way, in the ‘I’m faster than you’ way. I go to the window to ensure that I am right about the sound. I’m right This thought washes over me and I get seconds to prepare before I watch her emerge from her vehicle with oversized sunglasses and a firm determined look on her face. I tried to think optimistic thoughts about what her expression could mean. But I genuinely couldn’t think of a single reason she would be showing up at my house looking like she just read ‘the art of war’. She knocked on my door confidently, in the same moment I swung the door open. “Sup?” I look at her apprehensively and bewildered. She hastily responded “Quick question. I was thinking about piercing my ears. I’m gonna do it. But I didn’t want to go spend thousands of dollars getting them all done how I want them, and you seem to be the type of person that would be…okaaay at doing this?” Somehow it was a very endearing compliment, yet I left feeling moderately butthurt. “I mean, I don’t think I’d suck at it. But I also have never had any training. I’ve never*ish* done it before. So my hope is 100% all there. I believe I COULD do an amazing job. But I also can imagine a reality where we end up in the hospital. Covered in cotton pads and blerd. So it’s basically just a toss up at this point” I said. “That’s a risk I’m willing to take.” She extended her hand to shake as though this was a business deal. Which at first I thought was odd. But after the events that transpired. A hand shake to christen our agreement to embark on this venture, only seems fitting. “Plus I already spent over three hundred dollars on piercing supplies.. sooo be at my house it 25?” She said as she casually skipped backwards towards her door. She slug herself into her car and in one fluid motion closed the door at the same time as backing up. She’s so cool. Like when she does things, you think *’wow… What a cool girl.’* if it sounds like I’m being sarcastic. I’m not. 3:53 - So I guess I should find an actual pair of pants not boxer briefs (shut up they are comfy) and get in my car. 4:37 - I roll up to her house with my car that ‘talks shit’ in the ‘you’ve neglected me and now I am in the sunset of my life’ way. 5:02 - we’ve sanitized everything. set up everything. Marked all the places. Got a game plan. It’s time. 5:03 - aight I gotta stop stalling. “Maybe one shot to calm the nerves” I say to my sister. “Okay so gin or whiskey?” “You’re going to make me choose?” She bops off 5:05 - okay. We’ve done it. The shot is down. The marks are on. I have my exit point planned. I think we’ve got it. I begin to push the needle through firmly. Holy crapes cartilage is tough stuff hey? It’s all the way through the ear and halfway down the needle. I’m basically a god. We get the jewelry lined up with the end of the needle to pull through behind it. “Can I do the jewelry part?” then she said something about why. But my brain has already started redacting the night, and I forget what the reason was. She took over which I was all for. It’s her body. I’m just support. Then I hear “shit” muttered under her breath as I simultaneously hear a needle hit the tile floor. “Umm Kay so I just lost the needle but the earring isn’t through yet.” She informs me. I feel my chest tighten and my heart rate increase. She seems chill but internally im a panicking wreck. Did I do something wrong? What do I do now. I slam a shot of gin. “Okay what do you want me to do?” I say as I clap my hands together. “Just push it through” she replies I only realized how stupid of a question it was after I heard how obvious the answer was. She moves her hands and I go to step in. The fronts pretty good, and the earring got through it nice and clean. I walk around and look at the back. Carnage. Not really. But I’m being dramatic. Let me have this. She had got the ring through the front puncture, and the cartilage, but not the exit. And she had just been mashing around trying to find it. It was already SO swollen and inflamed around the area. The exit hole was closed. It was too late. We missed our shot. I try to explain this to her. Not well, mind you. I had a lot of panicked, indirect, passive suggestions. So in the end she was not so convinced. “Just try to find it and ram it through. I don’t care. Whatever it takes” This isn’t going to work. I take a shot of whiskey. But if anyones gonna make it work. It’s going to me be. —————— 7:23pm - it wasn’t me. I feel like I understand how veterans must feel, when then come home from war. But they didn’t win. Like **exactly**. No more. No less. We have raised our white flag and surrendered. I just…. I don’t get… It escalated SO fast. We started coming up with rational ideas on how to do the whole “piercing ear” thing. Then we had some ideas that became gradually less logical and more desperate. By the end we were trying to use the needle to poke in from the back (dont make a joke, I’m not in the mood) and lead the ring out. So we gave up. Frankly, we should have called this one quits much earlier, but here we are. I will never do this again. 8:04pm - we ate supper. —————— 11:01pm - so we have a plan for next time. Vaseline. It’s fool proof. Why didn’t we think of that before? It’s probably not going to work. Can’t say we didn’t try. 🤷‍♀️