The pain accumulated somewhere behind the right eye and at t..
Added 2023-09-27 06:37:09 +0000 UTCThe pain accumulated somewhere behind the right eye and at the end of the day it turned into a real migraine, so that I wanted to freeze in complete immobility. So that she would think that I am not here and leave. I wanted to bang my head against the wall until my skull cracked to the source of my suffering in order to get it out.
I decided that completely destroying myself wouldn't be so bad compared to how I felt.
My morning started with a bottle of wine. Then my friend gave me some dr**s. I knew that mixing with alcohol was a bad idea, but I just wanted to escape reality.
Then I smoked weed about 5 more times. And I went to the park.
I just sat mindlessly and looked at the treetops. There is frantic anxiety and fear inside.
About an hour later, I went to the bar to drink more beer. I took two sips and had a terrible panic attack. My hands became cold and numb. I felt a tingling sensation in my fingertips, and my heart was beating so fast that I thought I was going to die. I was very scared. There wasn't enough air.
I lived fear so vividly, with every cell of my body. Then I calmed down, and after a couple of minutes a new wave covered me. This time I experienced the pain, just as vividly. Then I calmed down again, and a couple of minutes later the story repeated itself. I experienced guilt, then hatred, loneliness and despair. I don’t know how many hours this went on, in the end I was just tired.
I lay on the bed and just waited for it all to end.
I spent 2 days in this state. Feeling of constant, permanent anxiety in the abdominal area.
How tired I am... Every day becomes unbearable... I'm just destroying myself
Well, since I’m here and writing all this to you, a couple of days ago I released a new set. Support it please, maybe something will come of it… 🙏🏽❤️
https://www.suicidegirls.com/girls/valeriya/album/5578192/dance-with-me/#
