Today is the 10th day of my voluntary retreat. I haven't le..
Added 2022-12-05 14:45:24 +0000 UTCToday is the 10th day of my voluntary retreat.
I haven't left the house for 10 days. And for the third day I do nothing but draw. My brushes do not obey me, i cant nothing. I draw, I erase, I draw again, and so on in a circle.
I am very confused in myself, in my life. I don't know who I am, what I am, why I do all this, I have no purpose. Many years ago, when I was in a similar situation, I used every opportunity to close this hellish circle. I contacted with astrologer.
I know that many do not believe in this, I did not believe it either, and went to the meeting, simply because I was very sad and I needed help and support. Now I feel about the same, and I go to the astrologer again.
I do not in any way take this as a call to action and do not accept it as the 100% truth. For me now this is a way to figure it out, like a session with a psychologist who can find the right words and give me confidence. I know what he will say. But now I need it. I decided to take a break until Tuesday, that is, until tomorrow, until a meeting with an astrologer. I need to understand for myself how to move on.
I have always been lonely, but I liked my loneliness, I never suffered because of it. I always found something to do, and I was happy in it. But now something has changed. Now I feel lonely in a bad way. I'm broken.
I hope, a little later, I will be able to tell you about everything that happened to me and what influenced my condition, but so far I myself cannot understand this for myself. A lot of things are happening right now that are out of my control. I have always coped with everything, but now I just don’t have the strength.
