Hey! analyzing my jumps in my psychological state, I can say..

Hey! analyzing my jumps in my psychological state, I can say that now I am stuck somewhere between complete despair and hope. Somewhere in the middle.

From experience with depression, I know what despair looks like, at least to me. But I haven't reached that point yet. But I also can’t say that this is something like a bad mood, or just apathy. I do not know what is this.

Every day the soul seems to be torn into small pieces, every day I receive bad news and every day it seems that it can't get any worse. But despite this, I still do something.
Sometimes I feel like it doesn't make sense, but I do it.

Every day I wake up early in the morning, and start with exercises and a glass of water, because I decided that now I will do a challenge for myself for a month. So far, it's not very effective, but maybe I need time. Then I shoot content while there is daylight, it gets dark very early now, so I have to get up earlier. I shoot content for my art account, main account and onlyfans.

Then I sit down for breakfast and watch Instagram reels, I watch a lot of videos and look for trends to do something like this. I need this to attract the target audience for the sale of paintings, this is very important to me now, because now I'm in a complete ass! In such an ass that you can’t even convey.

❗️Therefore, if you want to support me, you can always do it by purchasing one of my works! (My art page on IG (@_lysergicc)

Then I get trained. I study instagram algorithms, reels algorithms, targeting, etc. All this is necessary for me in order to attract people. How very upset I am when I don’t see the result, or rather, there is, but not what I need ...
I give up, so I continue to cry according to the plan. I just sob for about an hour in silence.

Then I pull myself together again and try to do at least something in order to get closer to my goal. When darkness comes, I sit down to draw, but nothing comes out. It just doesn’t work, there is no inspiration and mood.
I get even more upset and condemn myself for a long time for the fact that I am not capable of anything.

Then I meditate and try to calm down.
Then I read a book and go to bed. In between these actions, I can also cry and judge myself.
This is how my days go now. I do not leave the house and do not want to communicate with anyone.

Please do not feel sorry for me, I'm just sharing my experiences with you, maybe it will respond to someone and help 🙏🏽