I constantly try to write a post, but there is confusion in ..

I constantly try to write a post, but there is confusion in my head, I can’t put my thoughts into sentences.

You know, everyone experiences stress, fear or pain in their own way. I do not take responsibility for judging people for this. For some, it is easier to immediately start work and do the usual things. Someone falls into despair and depression. Someone closes in itself and moves away. And someone does it all together, like me.

I am very afraid of war. I'm afraid of the sound of fireworks. I'm afraid of the sounds of a flying helicopter or an airplane overhead. I'm afraid of noise and pops. I'm scared to open the news, but I can't help but read it. My family is far from me and I need to be aware of what is happening in the world for my own safety.

But Im scared. It's scary to live next to these events, it's scary when the country in which you live is on the brink of war. It's scary when you read news about the army, about exercises. I'm scared. I absolutely do not want to write posts, do something on Instagram, draw, communicate with someone. Sometimes I do that, I just lie in bed all day because I'm tired, I feel weak and helpless.

But then I get up and start doing my usual business, so as not to go crazy. I say to myself: “hey, you have such a wonderful life. Your life. Lucky you. You can enjoy it."
And I try to do it. Every day I try to find something good in this day, something kind. I try to help if I can. I try to look at the sky, watch the sunset fi dawns, feel the wind with my skin, enjoy the rain and the rainbow in the sky. I try to spend more time with my friends and pet my cats. I just try to enjoy the little things. Even screaming kids on public transport don't annoy me anymore. I appreciate every moment in which there is at least a piece of life.
This is the only thing that saves me from madness and despair. Yes, that's right - just do your normal business, every day.

I will never understand why this war is going on. What ideas and goals are these adult uncles fighting for, up there, who play war like it's a computer game.
I will never be able to understand the pain that all these people are experiencing who are out there losing their loved ones and their lives.
It is so sad and so painful for me to realize what we are turning our lives and the planet into. It hurts what people are capable of doing to other people...

But each of our choices has consequences and I made my choice. I try to just live while I still can.
I may be talking like a сhild, but I really believe that light will overcome darkness. And it is this faith that gives me strength.

But that doesn't mean I'm not scared