I sit in a room full of things, look around and sadness roll..

I sit in a room full of things, look around and sadness rolls over again. I don't want to leave this apartment. 🥺
But today I want to chat a little on a different topic. Yesterday, a psychologist gave me a task to ask people what three words they could describe me. A lot of people wrote that I am kind.

I myself consider myself kind. But I don't quite perceive this quality in a good way. My kindness and naivete often hurt me. I would like to develop tougher feelings in myself.

Recently I was deceived by a one person. I communicated with him as I communicate with everyone, although you know that I often have little time for communication. I try to respond to everyone who writes to me and communicate with many people in parallel. I try to pay attention to everyone.

Here is one such person who wrote to me about my paintings, he bought a small work, said that he wanted to support me and my art. Soon strange things began to happen, I will omit the details, since this is a long story. He ended up commissioning several pieces from me, which I kept for him for days, maybe weeks. Throughout our communication, there were incomprehensible conflicts in which a person tried to blame me, said that he was helping me, but I was not grateful and did not appreciate his care. Although I did not understand at all what bad and insulting I did.

Although in fact, to be honest, all he did for me was buy one small painting, and the rest of the time he led me by the nose and played for time. I didn't see anything he promised me. Empty promises. But because of my kindness and naivety, I believed this man, was kind to him and attentive.

After another conflict, he again accused me of ingratitude. I was so upset that my patience snapped and I stopped communicating with him. When I looked at this situation from the outside, it really looked like deception and manipulation. Just why I don't understand. I was very upset by this, that I again believed in human kindness, but I was deceived. Why is this happening?

Even after this situation, I know that I will always be open to the world and people and continue to believe that there are many more good and honest people. But I want to wish myself to become more strict, rational and careful! ❤️