* TW: Substances, Manic episode * . Hey lovelies <3 I'm goin..
Added 2021-08-31 18:51:53 +0000 UTC* TW: Substances, Manic episode *
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Hey lovelies <3 I'm going through an incredibly intense manic sexual episode where I can't even function to get up and leave the house, or even be able to stream for a bit. I don't think I came as many times as I did 1st week of creating onlyfans, but combined with yesterday, I believe I'm in between 30-40. Being coherent during this time is really difficult, and I hope I can be done for today so I can go on with my life clear headed for at least couple of days. Scariest thought is that I feel I may end up hurting my self and violating my own boundaries, because my sexual triggers involve lots of danger that I don't actually want to happen to me and might affect me on the long run. I don't do random hookups and I don't feel ready for committed relationship because I feel so incredibly vulnerable sometimes, that I'm terrified how easy it would be to abuse me, because I would be the biggest perpetrator in allowing it to happen. Worst type of things like danger and CNC really turning me on is my biggest enemy. I want to navigate through life either completely getting control over my manic episodes or reducing it exponentially. I hope I'll have courage to tell this to my psychiatrist on my 2nd visit this week and she'll help me understand why does this happen to me. Recently, I started coping with alcohol and nicotine and although it does help, I can only hide from my self and built up emotions for so long. I'll reset yet another day and if you'll see me on stream, that means I've come back down to earth! <3 Love you so much for being on this safe and sexy alternative journey I've found with me, and I'll see you soon! Remember, it's not your thoughts and feelings that define you as a person, it's your actions and what you do. From my perspective, If you're living a kind and honest life regardless of your mental or emotional hurdles, I'm really proud of you! September timetable of events is coming ;D I want to get creative
