For several days in Poland there is a beautiful, large, bright moon in the sky. Every night I sit on a chair on my balcony and just gaze at the moon. I was thinking about buying a telescope. Not most expensive, simple. To watch the moon. My balcony offers a wonderful view of the sunset and the sky. But I feel sad. I think so much about my grandmother now. Remember I told you how we walked through the woods, watched the sunset? All this is so deep in my subconscious. Any little thing evokes memories and sadness. I am currently working on two projects. I paint two paintings to order. And it distracts me. THANKS YOU GUYS FOR YOU APPRECIATE MY PAINTINGS โค๏ธ This is the only thing that I really love and what distracts me from any thoughts ๐๐ฝ
Do you like girls in sneakers? What's your favorite brand? I like nike and vans. Due to the fact that I have a small foot size. I always find it very difficult to find the right shoes ๐ฅฒ Sometimes I buy shoes in a baby department. Firstly, it is cheaper, and secondly, there is always my size ๐ But there are also disadvantages, very often there are no sneakers in the children's line that I need, they are in the women's collection, but my size is not there.
P.S By the way, maybe someone wants to give me vanses for my birthday? ๐
Hey! Today I got caught in the rain twice. But it was so beautiful. I was walking across the bridge, and there was a huge cloud ahead. She was still a couple of kilometers away from me, but I heard her approaching. I felt the wind, heard the thunder and saw the lightning. as if I was walking and watching a movie on the screen :) It was warm outside. Places that had not yet caught up with the rain, the sun was shining. I walked and again remembered those moments when I was little and walked with my grandmother in the forest. I always remember these moments. They are so dear to me. I am so glad I experienced these feelings. In general, it was an amazing day, very beautiful ๐
I decided to make a cherry cake and got poisoned ๐ Actually it's not very funny. Yesterday I could not even get out of bed, I was constantly nauseous. Today I ate one cookie and had tea, but I don't feel very well. I hope this will pass soon and I will be able to live a normal life again. For myself, I realized that I hate cherries and everything connected with it. Even now I am writing this text and I want to feel sick ๐คฎ
๐๐ฝI hope you enjoy my photos in my new underwear, but now I will go to continue drinking my medicine and staying in bed. Great weekend to everyone. I hug.
I always had long hair and my mom wouldn't let me cut it ๐ . But I really liked one singer, she had short hair. When I saw her clips on TV, I always asked my mother to cut my hair like her.
And then one day, when my mother was at work, I cut my hair with regular scissors and left my hair on the windowsill and a note for my mother. My mom worked in the store on the night shift. And when she got home, she was furious. She woke me up in the morning and scolded me very much ๐ . We had to go to the hairdresser to fix what I did with my hair.
Then they grew back and a couple of years ago I cut them again. Just shaved them off under the nozzle. In these photos, my hair has already grown a little. Unfortunately, I have no photos left with the shortest haircut :)
I like it very much. We took pictures in France at 9 am, near the pool. Then I was terribly cold. All the girls who were there called me "crazy Russian" ๐ . We couldn't talk to the girl-photographer because we didn't know the language. We spoke in bad English ๐ (specifically me).
But we did an amazing set. But he was not destined to become the set of the day. I do not know why. I think he's great anyway ๐
I'm waiting for my friend soon. She should come from Belarus to visit me soon. The coronavirus may interfere with our meeting.
Since yesterday, a lockdown has been introduced in Poland. If the incidence does not subside within a week or two, then Poland will be closed. They want to introduce a curfew and tighten quarantine. As in the first time, when there was the first wave. Poland, France and Germany are the countries with the highest incidence rates. I really want to see my friend. I really miss her. I hope things will get better soon. We cannot live in quarantine forever ๐ฉ.
Many people die from other diseases, but for some reason no one cares. I think that this virus is not as dangerous as it is presented to us. I donโt trust the vaccine they came up with. Such things have to be tested for years. I'm afraid of being vaccinated.
Sometimes I believe that our planet is overpopulated, and they want to cut us down to make it easier for the planet. On the one hand, this is correct, but on the other hand, I want to live.
People are very dangerous to the planet. They greedily consume its resource, but give nothing in return. And someday it will come to an end. I'm sorry. I always try to be EKO friendly. I donโt eat meat, I share trash, I donโt buy bags at the store. (I can buy a bio package.) I try to buy less plastic, but that's not possible, almost all food is in plastic.
And when I see news or videos about catastrophes, about how all this affects our Earth, then my soul hurts. I know that I alone cannot change anything, but everyone can start with themselves and protect the planet. This is our home, we must take care of our home.
But people are like parasites, like worms, like bacteria, they can only destroy. It `s so sad. I am not talking about all people. I know there are good and considerate people. Hope you are one of themโค๏ธ
Today is already 22 march in 2021. The time is 18:48. I am at home, next to me are my cats. They are sleeping. I am writing this text and want to say that today was a great day.
I woke up, had breakfast and went to look for canvases for my paintings. The weather was wonderful outside, the sun was shining. My favorite coffee shop โCOFIXโ was near the art store. I bought a cocoa and sat in the park. Great music played in the headphones. Then I walked home and thought about my life. I was catching relaxation from this city.
I noticed how the feeling of security affected me. In Belarus, I was afraid to walk like that. I was scared of cars with tinted windows, because there might be the police who might just beat you up or take you away. I was afraid to be at home, because someone might come to you. My body became very tight. And I constantly noticed a nervous tic. In Poland I begin to relax. I do not look around. I breathe, I notice the nature around me, people, objects. I feel safe.
After the shop, I walked to the park near my house. The sun was still shining, great music was playing in the headphones, which conveyed my mood. And I kind of caught this vibe of this city, you know? :) Then I sat down on the bench and smoked a small joint ๐ . I Walked a little and went home.
The sun was shining in my windows. I plugged in the speaker, turned on the music and started painting. I mixed the paints and enjoyed the process. My cats were also on the same wavelength with me. They to chill on the windowsill. When I finished painted, I started to cook dinner. After I turned on the cartoon, watched the sunset and had dinner :) And now I am writing this text.
All in all, today was a great day. I would like to share this vibe with you โค๏ธ ๐
Today I twisted my leg while walking into the kitchen. It was not very pleasant ๐ . And then I remembered another phobia of mine. This phobia is not as significant as the others, but it also exists. I'm afraid to go downstairs, for example, because I'm afraid to fall and break something, or I'm just afraid to break something.
I broke my arm once when I was in ะตlementary school. I remember this day. It was early Wednesday morning, the first lesson. We are waiting for the bell to ring and the whole class is making noise and discussing something. The first lesson is a lesson in the Belarusian language, dictation. This subject was taught by the headmaster. She was very strict, scary, and angry. And very much did not love me and my friend.
๐ฉ๐ฝโ๐คโ๐ฉ๐พMy friend came to Belarus from Dagestan. She did not have a Russian appearance. In class, she was often called various racist names.
Children are very cruel, however.
And so one guy named her TWiX (because of her skin color). I got very angry and stood up for my friend. I hit this guy in the head and broke my arm. But then I did not know about the fracture yet. I sat down at my desk. The lesson began.
It was painful for me to write the test. My hand was trembling, but I trembled even more because I was afraid to tell the teacher. It was easier for me to endure this tutorial and write this damn test.
After the lesson, I told a friend about my hand. And we asked another teacher to let us go to the doctor so that I would take an X-ray. We went to the hospital, but my hand went through. I was sure it was just a bruise. I could function normally with my hand. We went to the hospital anyway because we didn't want to go back to school. ๐คช
And so I did an X-ray and to my surprise it really was a fracture. And I left there already with plaster ๐
P.S. By the way, I wrote the dictation perfectly well. With just one mistake :)
I dreamed scrambled eggs with toast and cheese all night today ๐ณ๐ฅช So I woke up and did it.
Poland has a very large selection of vegetarian food, which I am very happy about it, so today I had eggs and a vegetable cutlet for breakfast.
Usually my ideal breakfast is oatmeal with boiled egg, toast with cheese and coffee. I love cheese. ๐ง๐ง๐ง Sometimes I have pancakes or just yogurt for breakfast. But I drink coffee necessarily in morning .
โDescribe your ideal breakfast? What do you usually eat?
Speaking a little about food, I have NEVER EATED OLIVES (you already know this)โบ๏ธ Also I have never tasted shrimp, squid, octopus, oyster, rabbit, duck, turkey. I have tasted pork once in my life. I ate beef at McDonald's in buns only. I've never eaten clean beef. ๐ต
I hate eggplant and zucchini. I haven't tried many foods in my life.
I like simple food. Even in a restaurant or cafe, I always order the simplest. I don't like trying new things. In general, I'm not a gourmet ๐คท๐ผโโ๏ธ
โDo you have any products that you have never tried?
I started painting! Finally! I am very happy. All this time I was looking for suitable materials. Therefore, I had to leave all my materials in Belarus. Finding something new here turned out to be a problem. I didn't think that would be a problem. After all, this is Europe ๐ . But I figured out the materials. I messed up a few canvases already before I found what I needed.
I also have bad news. I may not be able to stay and live here. Because my visa ends in July, and if I do not work here I cannot stay :( As you know, I cannot go to regular work. Therefore, I work from home. In my country, ambassadors have been removed from the embassy and I cannot renew visa. I try not to worry about this for now, but I am looking for ways to stay here ๐๐ฝ
I don't have many options. Work, study, refugee, or marry a Pole ๐ฅบ None of the options suits me. I need to find a lawyer who can advise me on this issue.
Hello everyone. So. Let's summarize the facts about me :)
1. I'm a vegetarian. It's true. April 10 will be 8 yeะฐrs since I have not eaten meat. I don't eat meat and fish. But I eat dairy products. It is much easier in Poland with vegan products. There is a large selection for vegans. In Belarus, everything was difficult with this. Therefore, in Poland I try not to drink milk and eat cheese for vegans :)
2. I love olives. It is not true. I hate olives. To be honest, I have never tried them. One day, I decided to try them in pizza, but I didn't like it ๐คฎ Pure olives I never eaten.
3. I only wear white socks. It's true. I always wear white socks. I can wear different color socks as an exception. I really love socks. With inscriptions, drawings, etc. I am a sock collector ๐ But white socks are preferred.
4. I love horror movies. It's true. I really love horror films and watch almost only them. I like art house, psychological thrillers and dramas. But my favorite genre is horror. I like paranormal phenomena, exorcism, maniacs and murderers :)
5. I eat a lot of sweets. This is really true. I eat so much sweets that sometimes it seems to me that I could easily get diabetes in the future. I need to control this process a little.
6. I am a very punctual person. It's true. But for some reason, most people thought that this was not true ๐ . In fact, I hate people who are late. I hate to wait. I always come on time. I may be late somewhere, but it will be just a coincidence. I usually always show up on time. And I always keep my promises :)
7. I've never seen the ocean. It's true. I dream of seeing the ocean. and even more I dream of seeing the sunset over the ocean. I only started traveling 5 yeะฐrs ago. I opened my first visa in December 2016. So far I have visited 14 countries ๐ Someday I will definitely see the ocean ๐
Hmmm, most people guessed my height โบ๏ธ. My height is really 158 cm :)
Let's play a little game ๐ I will name the facts about myself, and you will guess which of them is NOT TRUE โ
1. I am a vegetarian 2. I love olives 3. I only wear white socks 4. I like horror movies 5. I eat a lot of sweets 6. I am a very punctual person 7. I've never seen the ocean
I am already settling in a new apartment, everything is okay ๐๐ผ
Of course, there are still many issues that need to be resolved with the documents in order to be legalized here. It's difficult when you don't know the language. I will tell you that it is VERY DIFFICULT when you do not know the language ๐ . I face different situations. Sometimes I explain in English. Because of the language barrier, I feel quite uncomfortable. Hope it gets over.
Today I was on the bus, I needed to buy kitchen utensils home and I forgot to pay the fare. More precisely, I did not find where to buy a ticket and what do you think happened? ๐ Of course! The inspectors came in and fined me $ 100. I got off the bus and burst into tears. From the fact that I caught myself thinking that I want to go home. I'm starting to miss everything that happened in Belarus. To miss my old apartment, to miss how I spent time there. And most importantly, I could communicate without any problems, hope it will pass. It's okay to be homesick when you leave for another country. But what a painful this feeling.
But I do not give up. ๐ Now I am trying to find shops to buy painting tools. Also, now I have plans to make a bank card and a residence permit in the apartment in which I live.
For the third day in a row, my head hurts and the pills do not help. I sleep a little badly because I think about home. I also miss friends as hell.
โHow are you? Maybe you would like , what I would to tell you something? :)
I'm leaving tomorrow. I am very tired all these days, so I do not fully realize that I am leaving my country. All my friends and relatives are here, and I have lived here all my life. But so far I have no feelings. Maybe later I will understand what I have done ๐๐๐.
Yesterday I exhaled, because I managed to do everything before leaving. And tonight I discovered that the veterinarian had made the wrong documents for my cats. ๐คฌ I got so angry again. Because today is Sunday (in our country on Sunday almost everything is closed. It is a day off) on Monday morning my plane. I was in a panic. As a result, I called the head of the veterinary service and made a scandal ๐ Ahaha, I can do that.
I said that they made a mistake in the documents and I could not fly away, and if they donโt remake it for me today, then Iโll blow their entire hospital to hell. ๐ฅฒ In the end, I was told to come and everything would be redone for me.
I already wrote that I have a feeling that this country does not want to let me go. ๐ง The last step is the airport.
โDo you think something will happen there? Will I come back with a new cool FUCKING story to you? ๐ We put bets :)
Me very often. Almost every night I have colorful dreams and very often I remember them in great detail. My friends say I can be a horror screenwriter ๐ . I often have nightmares, but they don't scare me, I like nightmares. I donโt know why. Perhaps I get some emotions in a dream that I don't get in life. I can also dream the same dreams several times. I even have favorite dreams.
Do you have any idea why this is happening? :)
Sweet dreams to you today, no nightmares ๐ฅฐ Love
You already know that I couldn't leave because I was waiting for one document, without which I could not cross the border. I wanted to go by car ,because I have a lot of personal belongings and cats.
Every day for 3 months I was waiting for this document. I moved in with friends. I thought that I would live with them for a week, but everything dragged on for a month. I could fly away at any time by plane. But our state has done everything possible to make it difficult for people to leave the country.
Plane tickets were VERY expensive. I cannot afford to buy this. Plus I still needed to buy tickets for my cats. Therefore, the option with an airplane was postponed. And I waited every day. The guy who did the documents for me stopped communicating. He just took my money and did half of the paperwork. I was so upset. I don't remember the last time I was so sad for such a long time. I ended up getting tired of waiting. I sat motionless for a month. My visa just burned out.
I decided to buy plane tickets. And lo and behold, when I went to the site, I saw a ticket for March 1, twice cheaper. It was still expensive, but cheaper than other tickets. I decided to buy. I was a little upset because I had already spent enough money from what I had saved up for the move. I couldn't completely feel good. But a feeling of lightness came to me. I was glad that the wait was over and that I would leave here on March 1 at 15.00.
I started to take things apart again, because I can take a limited number of things on the plane. I packed everything up. I signed up for a covid test. I signed up for a veterinary clinic. I tuned in. Do you know what happened next? This guy called me and said that my document was ready.
I don't know how to describe my rage. You have no idea how angry I am. I spent so much money yesterday on tickets and cannot get them back! I can't even cry. My tears flow inside. I thought it was some kind of sign that I shouldn't leave here. Why is it so hard? Why are there so many problems? I just want to get out of here.
Guys, tell me? What am I doing wrong? Iโm going crazy. Today I vomited from being so nervous for the past month. I really want to tell you something good, but I just can't. Some kind of invisible rope strangles me with all its might. I am already suffocating from this despair. I am waiting for the day when I can exhale. When I can share something good ...
P.S No, though. Today there is something good. Today I'm on the main page on SUICIDEGIRLS ๐
Do u like this set? โคต๏ธ https://www.suicidegirls.com/girls/valeriya/album/4632665/follow-me/
Yesterday I remembered and talked about my phobias and realized that I have a lot of them. There are phobias that pass in a milder degree, and there are those that lead me to panic attacks. I am very much afraid of heights and insects. These are the things that make me go to extremes, panic and behave inappropriately. Probably, I would call the fear of heights my most important fear.
I remember how one day I climbed a bridge in Moscow and could not get off. At the very top of this bridge, I started a panic attack. I stood in the middle and could not get off. The bridge was in the shape of an arc. I cried a lot. A lot of people gathered around me and tried to help me. I lay down with my whole body on the ground and began to crawl down. When I managed to get off, I vomited. For a very long time I could not move away from the shock.
A little less, but very much I am afraid of insects. I already wrote a post below about why I became afraid of them.
I'm also afraid to swim in water where I can't see the bottom. I do not swim in rivers, lakes, bodies of water. Also, I do not swim in the sea if it is muddy.
Sometimes Iโm scared to go downstairs, Iโll catch myself thinking that I might fall and break my legs. I'm just afraid to break something for myself.
I am afraid to speak in front of a large audience. I start to panic. At school and university I always answered my homework by writing. The teachers knew that I was terrified of speaking in front of an audience and were understanding to this.
