How to cheer up when it's not there? Right! Dance! Dance anytime, anywhere! Dance while nobody sees! Be a сhild at heart. Don't be too serious about your life.
😪 Yesterday I was so sad, but today it’s already good. Ahahah is bipolar disorder making itself felt?
I don't have an average mood. My condition is divided into only two types: — the first is very good. I can move mountains, I am very active, inspired, I have a lot of ideas and I cannot sit still. I walk 40 thousand steps around the city. I try to do all the things that I have planned.
— And my second state is that I cannot do anything. Even get out of bed. I feel so bad morally that I want to sleep. If you do not sleep, then i want die. And such an emotional swing has haunted me for many years. I try to find a balance in all this, but it doesn't work out.
Only extremes, only hardcore. 🥴😅
❓Do you face this? Or is your emotional state stable? Or do you like swinging too?
uhh! some crazy days. I fiddled with calendars, with their printing. And now I live in the post office for the second day, I send them to you! But I like it. I like to send you my merch or art. It always inspires me to do something more.
Today I woke up and again found myself in a sad state. I know the reason. I very often dream of one person. He's been gone for a long time. Enough time has passed so that I could live on, but sometimes I miss him very much. When I dream about him, and this happens very often, then in a dream I am always happy, but then I sob with bitter tears. And then I wake up and I always feel overwhelmed. Always the same scenario.
I'm really looking forward to not remembering this person. Because all this gives me great pain. Once I had the opportunity to tell him about it, but I could not. Now this possibility no longer exists. I very much regret it.
❓ Thank you for listening. How do you like my new series of photos? What is your fav?
And so, continuing the theme of self-love. I believe that a small, but at the same time, huge step on the path to healing from sadness will be that you will implement something that brings you pleasure into yours 😎
Sometimes, due to the fact that we dont have time and we are too busy, we forget about the most important thing. About myself!
For example, describe your ideal day? How would you like to spend it? It will be very interesting for me to know a little more about you. You can share in comments or private messages with me :)
Here's my ideal day: 🧖🏽♀️I wake up, drink a glass of water. Then I go to wash, I do a face mask, apply cream, and then I massage my face with a special roller. ☕️ I'm going to make a delicious breakfast. My favorite breakfast is avocado toast and a cup of coffee with coconut milk + some fruit. I really love melon, for example 🥸After having breakfast, I would like to do something useful. For example, draw or do yoga. I would like to learn some new skill. For example, recently I thought that I would like to take a dance course. I even bought an online workout and I want to do it. You can also set aside time for learning a foreign language. 😋 After I did something useful, I would prepare a delicious lunch. I would include cartoons that I watched as a сhild on nickelodion. I loved this channel so much and the cartoons there. My favorites were "Spongebob squarepants", "Hey Arnold!" I still love to watch them. 🌳 My ideal day would definitely include a walk in the park. I would turn on an audiobook in headphones and enjoy nature. 🛀🏽 Bath! Necessarily a bath with oils, candles and foam. oh how I love to take a bath ... 🎥 In the evening I will definitely do my evening meditation. I'll make myself some Chinese tea and watch a good movie. Or something on YouTube.
Here is such a perfect, slightly women's day. This is not difficult. These things make me a little happier. But due to the fact that we are lazy, tired, or there are many other reasons not to do this, we are sad.
Let's make a promise to ourselves that we will do something for ourselves every day. Let it be little things. But it's all about the little things. The devil is always in the details.
If you wanted to start running, just do it. Even 10-15 minutes is already super! Maybe you wanted to go to the cinema or theater? Attend a concert? Do you want to cook something? Go to the gym? Read a book? Do it for yourself! Nobody will do it for you. It's always hard to get started. But believe me, all these little things will delight you. You will be gladdened by the feeling that you were able to do it. You will be proud of yourself.
It is not what you do that heals you, but how you feel afterwards. Even if you don’t feel anything at first, don’t stop!
Do you believe in signs? Have you noticed when you want something, or think about something (often), then you begin to notice it in life?
This happens to me all the time. I see signs all the time. Even on the day when I recommended you a book to read, I wrote the text, and then sat down to read this book, and I was shocked. Because I started reading all the words that I wrote to you in the post (about self-love and how important it is). I said this and after 10 minutes I read it in a book. I have so many such stories, it’s even hard to remember one of them. Well, you know how often it happens: - Hey dude, would you advise which movie to watch? And your brain at this moment: – Okay dude…. Erase all films from memory - done! 😅
In general, what I want to say is that when you start to love yourself, to be attentive and respectful to yourself, this armor of dirt begins to wear off. You start to see a lot of beautiful things around. This process takes place independently of you. You begin to feel yourself and your body, see beauty in small things, and most importantly, notice the signs! Signs are like small landmarks in life. It will be easier for you to go to your goal, no matter what it is (find love, make money, buy a house, a car, travel), all this will be attracted to you with such ease that you will arrive in a state of happiness all the time!
Perhaps, reading this, it seems to you that this is the delirium of a madman, or just another nonsense! No! As soon as you learn to love yourself, know yourself, feel yourself, respect yourself, take care of yourself, then a transformation will happen to you regardless of you. Everything that you will dream of and want will go to you by itself. (within reason of course. It is unlikely that Angelina Jolie will sleep with you 😅).
This world is so simple. Everything in it is so simple and understandable, but people complicate their lives so much and suffer from their thoughts. But it's never too late to start being friends with yourself ❤️
Finally, the underwear that you have chosen for me has arrived. But for some reason the underwear was not what I ordered.🥲 I did not argue with them and trying to return it. I think it looks good on me too? What do you think? :)
How often have you asked yourself if you love yourself? Until twо yеars ago, I hated myself. I wanted to commit suicidе. My life was unbearable. I hated my body, I was shy. I constantly wanted to fix something in myself. I led a bad lifestyle, I used drug$ and аlcohol.
But one day I decided to change my life. I was at the bottom. I felt the bottom so clearly with my feet. It was cold, lonely, scary, dark. There was absolutely no light coming through. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know where to sail. I didn't know where to start. I was so depressed. I didn't remember when I was happy. Everything seemed so fake. I was so disgusted with myself.
I understood, that I was an attractive уoung girl, and it would seem, why should I be sad? But you can't get away from yourself. Wherever you go, you always take yourself with you. There is no escape from this. And the worst thing is to be alone with yourself. With your thoughts, with your monsters that devour you from the inside. How I hated myself. I can't look in the mirror. I was so disgusted.
My God, when I remember this, I do not even believe that all this was with me. I understand that many people have the same feelings. And there are many such people. This is terrible!
We humans are endowed with such gifts as imagination, critical thinking, emotions. No creature on earth is capable of experiencing this. But we humans suffer because of our own gift. This is so horrible. I so want to hug every person who has ever experienced such feelings. I know what it is. When it seems to you that nothing will help you. And you will spend your whole life floating on this dark bottom of your disappointments ... And you will never get out of there. This is terrible.
There are also people who devalue this. You know, who say "hey, do something", "it's just out of boredom", "hey, everything will be fine, don't invent it." Please don't ever do that! You have no idea what it means to experience an existential crisis, depression and self-abuse! If you say that, then you have no idea what it is. If suddenly any of you came across such thoughts, I just want to tell you that if you really want it to disappear, then it will definitely happen! You can push off from this bottom! There is a way out from there! And if your desire is strong, then you will definitely do it.
You don't need to think how, you need to do at least something. Even the most, at first glance, "stupid" steps are very important !!! If your loved ones are in this state, do not leave them. Be there, help them, listen to them. They really need it now. But do not regret it at all! Pity is a terrible feeling!
Why are there so many mental disorders and emotional instability in our world? Why does one in two face emotional problems? In fact, this is a very important topic in the modern world. When was the last time you stayed? Yes, in the truest sense of the word? Are you going to work / meeting what are you doing? You sit on your phone, listen to music, read a book, play in games on phone it doesn't matter.
And when was the last time you just watched yourself, what is happening around? When you listened to the birdsong, the noise of the city, observed your sensations in the body? Most likely, many of you have forgotten, or maybe someone does not even know about it.
This is precisely the problem. The problem of all our suffering, bad mood, complexes, fears and anxieties. All this is due to the fact that our world is very noisy, everyone is in a hurry somewhere, trying to drown out the silence inside, to run away from themselves. People are afraid of loneliness, so they suffer. A world where a huge amount of information enters our heads and clogs it up. That is why many people identify with the mind, with their thoughts and try to avoid them. Run away from yourself. This is precisely the source of all troubles.
I want to recommend one book to you. It may seem like “girly nonsense” to you, but please, if you have problems, if you are anxious, if you are withdrawn, if you notice signs of frustration in yourself, if you feel lonely, if thoughts sometimes devour you so much that you have no strength to live. Please start reading this book. Little by little. Small portions. And delve into every written word. If you don't like reading, just turn on the audio book, listen while driving, on the subway, when you clean your house, when you cook food. Just try it. You can always stop ❤️🙏🏽
Today is a very sad mood. Some kind of apathy. Black bar, I don't know. I want to write something, but I can't. There are so many thoughts in my head and they all fly by and fall into the void. Even for a moment I can’t catch on to them and understand what I’m thinking about.
No appetite. But you need to eat, through force.
The only thing that I paid attention to today is that I very clearly and clearly realized that childhоod was over. I've always understood this, but when does it happen? At what point do you become an adult? To understand this thing - is one, to be aware of something completely different.
I realized that I am an adult, I am no longer a сhild. And сhildhood will never return. There will never be this carefree time when you look at the world through a pure prism. You perceive everything as it really is. At what point do we become adults?
Today is August 29, 2021 and probably today I realized that I am an adult 😔
Good morning / afternoon / evening. I do not know who has what time it is now.
I returned from my trip in the mountains. It was super! We got into not very good weather and at first we were upset, but then I became convinced that nature does not have bad weather. And the cloudy mountains are very beautiful. Very atmospheric. I photographed everything with my camera. I like it so much. I hope you could see my journey on my instagram too. If you have not seen, then go quickly, I saved everything in my highlights. Enjoy beautiful photographs of the mountains.
I also have good news for you. I started making calendars for you. Please go through the survey who EXACTLY (100%) would order a calendar for 2022 with my photos (like last year) So that I know how many copies to print. I do not know how much they will cost, it all depends on the cost of production. But I think around $ 30-40. The price already includes shipping + my new stickers.The size is approximately a4 format. A new photo every month (12photos) I can't attach the layout, but I hope you understand how it will look 😅 And I also want to do something nice for you. Maybe I’ll come up with some more small change to cheer you up ❤️
I receive such messages sometimes. I would like to clarify some points. It may seem to some that the work of models is not as difficult as work at a construction site or a factory, it is, but it is also work. People only see a pretty picture. Girls should show themselves as cheerful and cheerful, but few people think about the downside of modeling.
1️⃣ On my page in the biography, before clicking subscribe, there is all the information that you can see on my page, you just need to be more attentive.
2️⃣Models spend a lot of money to make good content for you. The expenses include renting a studio, paying for a photographer, or if the girl shoots the sets herself, then this is the purchase of a camera, additional light, and other accessories. Buying costumes / underwear. It also takes a lot of time to process and select photos. We spend a lot of time on the photo sessions themselves. Sometimes one shoot takes half a day. We think over costumes, plot for sets, make-up. Many girls try to collaborate with different photographers from different countries. This is also paid out of pocket, plane tickets, rent of housing and studios, payment of a photographer. I'm not even talking about how the whole body hurts after filming: back, knees, etc.
3️⃣ What is $ 5? This is a cup of coffee. In the most common eatery, not even in Starbucks. This is support for your favorite models, support for our creativity and motivation. We are trying for you, trying please you.
4️⃣ You have no idea how much time per day it takes on social networks, to answer everyone, sort out all the mail. To download content and to be active everyday. This also requires strength, motivation and resources. We appreciate you very much, but we are also very upset when we see such messages.
5️⃣ If models make their own merch, then this is also a huge investment. And we pay for all this out of our own pockets. To print stickers, make T-shirts, hoodies, calendars, etc. We spend time and energy on this.
❗️🙏🏽 Please support your favorite models, treat them with respect. Because being a model is also a huge work, perhaps not physical, but very energy-consuming. For you, these are trifles, but for us it is a huge support ❤️
Do you like my new lingerie? 🌻🌞 ❗️Important question ⤵️
I think this lingerie will work great for my next SG set. Soon I am planning to go to Moscow (when I receive the documents, now I cannot leave the my country). I have no more sets for the SG. And while I have time to prepare, can you help me come up with ideas for filming?
❓What do you enjoy looking at? ❓Could it be cosplays? Or do you like just lingerie? Or erotic costumes? ❓Do you like the plot of the set or you don’t care about it ?
Write in the comments or to me in private messages. You will help me a lot ❤️
Those who have known me for a long time remember that I have always applied cosmetics. One very funny story happened to me, which made me reconsider my view on the use of cosmetics and abandon it. I can not help but share with you.
Once my friend and I, with whom I worked in the workshop, decided to celebrate the anniversary of the opening of this workshop (оne yеar) I was still drinking аlcohol then 😅😅😅.I do make up every day. I had black arrows on my eyes, mascara, tanning cream, blush, eye shadow and eyebrow shadow. This day was no exception.
And so we are sitting in the workshop and celebrating the anniversary. I dranк a lot, but we wanted more. We went to a convenience store, bought more alcohol, and went for a walk around the city at night.
At some point, I remember that we were on a tennis field and I wanted to steal a tennis ball that was behind the fence (idk why) The fence was about three meters high. I started to climb on it and at the very top I just fell asleep. Can you imagine? I just fell asleep and fell down. I woke up already on the asphalt in a pool of blоod. I was too drunк to understand what had happened. I laughed and I had fun. My friends ran to me and tried to wipe off the bloоd and took me home.
The next day, my nose was swollen, bruises appeared under my eyes, and I had to go to the hospital. The hospital told me that my nose was broken. I was shocked and this was the reason that for some time I could not apply make-up, because it hurt me to touch my face.
And during this time I was so used to being without it that I looked at myself from the other side. I fell in love with myself for who I am. Before that, I hated my face without makeup. I couldn't perceive myself normally. And now it's the other way around. I love the way I look. With all its scars, spots, moles, pimples. I love myself the way I am.
Hello! Well, I’ll tell you a story about the strangest thing in my life.
As a сhild, when I was doing macrame (this is weaving from dense threads of various products) in the class itself, I asked to go to the tоilet, but did not go there. I was bored and I went for a walk around the building. I went downstairs and saw a funeral service bureau in the basement.
In there, I was met by a very nice woman of about 50 years old. We got to know her, talked a little. I really liked her. She was kind and sweet.
And instead of macrame lessons, I began to visit this woman in ritual services and helped her weave wreaths and make flowers (artificial for wreaths), wiped the dust from the coffins and even went with her to the morgue. I deceived my parents that I was in macrame classes, and I myself went to the funeral services bureau.
This is probably a very strange activity for a сhild, but I was really interested. I didn't feel uncomfortable. I was calm. We talked a lot about death. And probably, this woman helped me to accept death at such a yоung age.
I realized that death is a part of life and there is no need to be afraid of it, it is just a new stage on the path of life. Nobody knows what will happen next. And this fear makes people afraid. From the fact that people do not know what is there after death. But we will all definitely be there and find out. Therefore, live in the here and now.
Enjoy where you are now. Live this life without thinking about what will happen? Do not think about what happened. You only have the here and now. This is the only thing that matters. When you understand this, then life transforms around you and you feel it. Problems disappear or resolve by themselves.
Last night, when I was meditating, a small сhildhood memory came to me… ⤵️
A picture popped up in my head as I was sitting at the table and sculpting a little cat out of clay. After meditating, I started googling where you can buy clay. I was visited by such an irresistible desire to do it. That I couldn't sleep. I wanted to wake up sooner in the morning and go to the store. 😅
Luckily, I found a special modeling paste that doesn't need to be baked in the oven. It freezes in a day. And I decided I wanted to make plates for my cats.
In general, as a сhild, I did a lot of things. I went to knitting, clay modeling, drawing, macrame. I did gymnastics, sailing, handball, and dancing.
Do you want me to tell you about the most strangest thing in my life? I think that you will never guess what else I did as a сhild. 😅
❓Write in the comments about your hobby? What do you like to do?
Hi guys. I'll tell you a story that happened to me the other day.
I went to the cinema with my friend. We had time before the session and we decided to eat ice cream and go to the forest. This is not really a forest, but rather a park, there are benches, paths for athletes, road for bicycles. It is located near the road and is not large in size.
We are walking in the forest, talking, and then my friend abruptly grabs my hand and tells me to calm down. At this moment, I turn my head and see a large wild boar 🐗….
I think that many are aware that wild boars are very dangerous, they attack the victim in order to protect themselves and finish you off (if they attack). Boars are especially dangerous if there are small boars next to them. The female attacks to protect them. And he was standing right next to me.
I was so scared that the first thing I wanted to do was run away. You cannot make sudden movements and frighten the boar, as it can attack. But I was in shocked and wanted to run. My friend stopped me. Told me to calm down. For a couple of seconds, the boar and I looked at each other.
At that moment, my heart seemed to stop. I didn't breathe. As if this moment had been going on for an eternity. After a couple of seconds, the boar ran away. I started having a panic attack. I began to chokе and cry. I was so scared that I could not come to my senses.
This picture is stuck in my head. I still see it: the forest, greenery, trees around, it smells of pine cones and trees. And in the midst of this greenery stands a big brown boar. With huge fangs 🙈🐗
Here's a story. Possibly one of the scariest in my life 😅 If not for my friend, who remained calm in a stressful situation, I could have become a victim of a wild boar. But she saved my life
How are you? Now I was sick for a couple of days. I thought I had coronavirus. By the way, I have never been sick with it.
A couple of days ago I had a fever, my throat started to hurt and my nose was stuffy. Smells and tastes disappeared a little, but not much. I lay in bed for three days, canceled my tutoring and all my plans. Everyone around began to say that it was a coronavirus. I was so angry because nowadays it is IMPOSSIBLE to get sick with something else. 😡 If you suddenly have a sore throat, then everyone will say that it is a coronavirus. If the temperature rises — too. As if we can't just catch a cold or get sick with something else.
So maddening.
But now everything is fine. I did 2 tests for coronavirus, they are negative. I just caught a cold. Therefore, now I strengthen the immune system and go in for sports 😅
Finally!!! I have a camera. I've been going to this for so long!
Guys, I want to say thank you so much for helping me put together on camera. This was your birthday present for me. I'm very happy.
Now I am dealing with settings: light, aperture, iso and other smart things 😅 But I'm very interested.
Thank you very much for your support. I want to hug each of you who helps and supports me. I really appreciate it. Thank you for appreciating my work, my photographs, my stories, my paintings and my creation. After all, with the help of it, I broadcast myself into the world. ✨💫 And without you all this would not have happened.
❗️And I want to remind you that you have two more days to receive a FREE postcard from me All you need to do is LIKE my posts and send me your address in private messages (see my pinned post) On Monday I will go to the post office to send postcards. Have a nice day, everyone.Hug ❤️
You will please me, and I will please you. I have already told you that your activity here is very important. Therefore, I will be pleased if you LIKE as many of my posts (at least 30) as possible and I will send you a free postcard or palaroid with me and a couple of wishes for you ❤️
It's not difficult for you, right? Let's make each other nice ☺️
💬Who will fulfill the conditions, write to me in private messages, and send me your address where I can send a postcard 😋
❗️Quantity is limited. The post will be valid for a couple of days :) All you need is just to like my posts. As much as possible. And write me an address in messages
Good morning guys 😘 For safety, I spent my birthday at home 😀 I decided to make it an ordinary day, but allow myself to do nothing.
In the morning one of my cats got sick. 😞 I am disappointed. Then I wanted to bake pancakes, and not a single pancake came out. Can you imagine? I've been making pancakes for many years and everything was okay. But today nothing worked out. 🤔 Everything fell out of hand.
I decided to order food, but what I wanted was not delivered to my area. I was completely desperate, but found a delicious vegetarian soup nearby. Then I turned on the movie and lay in bed.
I did absolutely nothing and did not think about anything.I didn’t go to social networks, almost didn’t pick up my phone. Few people congratulated me, because almost no one knew that it was my birthday. 😋 And that's great. I was congratulated by the closest ones.
And of course, thank you all for the congratulations and gifts. 💔 Only here I share my life and only here you can find out everything about me :) Thank you for being with me!
There is a cinema near my house. I really like going to the cinema. Especially horror movies. Even if he has a bad rating, I still go! I can walk alone, no problem. Sometimes it's even more fun 😅
But since I now live in a different country, it has become much more difficult with a different language. Here in Poland, films are not translated into Polish. Everything here is in English with Polish subtitles. Some films are still in translation, but rarely. And cartoons are always translated. This is done for сhildren. Many сhildren do not yet know how to read.
I decided that this is a great option for me. Watch the cartoon. Easy words + practice of the Polish language. But fuck! 🤭 I didn’t understand anything 😂. They speak so fast. I was just watching a cartoon with Italian сhildren. And the translation consisted in the fact that the Polish words were pronounced in the Italian manner. My brain almost exploded 🤯 But it was interesting!
❓Do you support language learning and movie watching? Do you think this makes sense?
From the age of 13 I stopped loving my birthday. Every year on this day (my birthday) something is constantly happening.
You will say: "You are initially attuning yourself to the negative." Yes, I understand that. But for the first three years I could not even think that something could happen. I didn't set myself up. I have always treated this day as something important. It was a very special day for me. All attention is for me. Gifts. Friends. But then things didn't go according to plan. Every time a story happened.
Once the police detained me because I was swimming in a fountain. It was very hot, I climbed in to cool down. The police saw it and I had problems. The next year, a guy dumped me. Right on my birthday.
The next year, I learned that my first love was leaving to live in Canada, forever.
The next year, I threw a party at my parents' house when they left. And the guys who came to me, they strongly and smashed my house. They even managed to make a hole in the wall. I cried a lot and could not drive them out.
And so every year. I spend this day alone or in the company of close people, but something bad always happens. So I'm afraid of what will happen this Friday 😅
Once my grandmother (another, not the one I told you about before) gave me an accordion. She also loved to drink when I was little. She was constantly drinking and doing all sorts of weird things. When it didn’t concern my mom and me, we could understand and tried not to pay attention. But sometimes she did terrible things. But that's a completely different story.
Just imagine! I'm a little girl who turns 4-5 yеars old. What would I like at this moment? Maybe a toy- doll that can talk? Or another doll with a bunch of clothes. A house for my barbie? Constructor? Small cash register? (yes, I loved playing cashier as a сhild😂) But no, my grandmother decided that an accordion would suit me. Do you understand? ACCORDION! 4 yеar old сhild. 😵
I remember that moment very well. I was shocked then. First, I was afraid of her. We always had a bad relationship with another grandmother. Secondly, I did not understand what it was at all. And my grandmother looks at me and says: "Hey, Valeriуa, this is an accordion, here you are going to play" and began to play the accordion 🙈😅
Everyone was in shock, and so was I. A whole table of guests. My grandmother comes, not sober, and plays the accordion 🥲🔫 So creepy
I have been feeling depressed lately. Perhaps because my birthday is coming up, I don't know. Maybe it has something to do with it? I've heard from people about this. Many people are sad before their birthday.
There is some kind of reassessment of values. I analyze my life. My past year. After all, the new year of my life will begin soon. Now I am in myself a lot. I constantly think about whether I am doing the right thing? Am I living right? Where am I going and why? But I cannot understand why I cannot come to any conclusion.
I feel confused, irritated, hurt. All this is mixed with joy and fleeting moments of happiness. I tell myself: It's okay to be sad! You can handle it. I reassure myself that there is always a rainbow after the rain. And perhaps this is ending some old stage in my life. And a new one will start soon.
I went to a psychologist two days ago. I cried during the session, but now i got better. The psychologist said that everything is fine with me. I just need a little time to figure it out. After all, I am a great girl that I have coped with all the difficulties in my life. On your own. I conquered depression. I worked through my grievances related to my parents. I learned to see the beauty in every little thing.
Therefore, my sadness is now normal. Of course, I rather want it to end. But I also gratefully accept any of my conditions. For something I need it.
